Two Dozen Tips For Husbands

By Helga L Van Niekerk

Before I begin, let me first say that no human being can fully meet the needs of another. While there is sin on the earth, we generally are self-seeking beings who put ourselves first! We tend to be selfish and not sacrificial. We expect others to meet our needs instead of striving to meet theirs. So although husbands will do well to take note of this list, women need to know that to find fulfillment in life is going to come only when we fill the God-shaped hole each of us has (both men and women). Only then will be truly happy and find contentment we are looking for.

This list is most probably not complete, but it's a start. I'll also be working on one for wives.

Let me do this in alphabetical order:

1. AFFIRMATION! Whether aged 1 or 100, women need to be affirmed. She needs to be told she is beautiful, clever, talented, helpful. Tell her she's wonderful. Tell her she's the best thing that happened to you. Tell your children, their Mom is a star. Affirmation every day, once at least, several times is better! The older she gets, it does not matter. Don't think she doesn't need it if she's 70 or 80. She does!

2. APPRECIATION! Women need to be thanked. She has borne your children, cleaned your clothes, did the cooking, the cleaning, the fetching the carrying. She needs to be appreciated for what she is doing for the home. Don't overlook it. Start saying thank-you. It may be that she is not doing the housework, but out earning. If that is the case, she needs to be appreciated for contributing to the economy of the home. Say thank-you OFTEN.

3. BE THERE! When general life happens, BE THERE. Be close to your wife to support her, hold her, dry her tears, comfort her, take control, give advice. Be there to tell her everything is going to be alright. Be there to defend her,stand up for her, watch her back, accept her, she needs you. Be there for the family. Love and support the children.

4. COMMITMENT - Wives need to hear that you are in this for the long run. Tell her often why you married her and that you are committed to this marriage.

5. DIVORCE - Wives need to hear that divorce is not an option.

6. EMOTIONAL NEEDS - This is a HUGE one. Women are emotional & hormonal. Wives need their husband's unconditional acceptance and support when they have a melt-down, seemingly for no reason. Guys, you may not understand a flood of tears, an unreasonable outburst or a snappy retort, just know they are hormonal and give them some understanding and acceptance in return. "It's all going to be all right," is often all they need to hear. Emotional support is massive for a wife to be happy.

7. FRIENDS - Women want her husband & her to be best friends. She also wants support in being friends with other girls. She doesn't want to be caged in and forbidden from mixing with her girl friends.

8. GENTLENESS - Wives want to be treated with gentleness and consideration. Shouting, scorning, criticism, belittling, treating roughly is not going to work to get them to treat you with respect.

9. HELP - There were several comments from women who are keen for and very appreciative of their husband's help around the house. The division of labour is always going to be an issue in the home that needs negotiation. Women need help for to meet both their physical and emotional needs. The best kind of help is that which is offered. Wives don't like continually asking to have something done before you actually do it. Look for what needs to be done and do it. It will make all the difference to your marriage.

10. INTEGRITY - Wives admire a husband who has a high degree of integrity. This includes avoiding the appearance of evil. Do not turn to a woman not your wife for anything that may even look like you are doing things together, e.g. a meal, a game of squash, a jog, a discussion about your wife, a business deal.

11.JESUS CHRIST - Christian wives want their husbands to put Christ first. To follow after Him. To seek His advice. To run to Christ for answers. To follow God's design for marriage.

12. KINDNESS - Small acts of kindness; kind words,making tea, offering to collect the children, makes a wife feel loved.

13. LOVE - Unconditional, ongoing, the way Christ loves the church. Love your wife. Love your children. Love your wife's family.

14. LEADERSHIP - Christian women want the husband to take the lead spiritually.

15. LISTEN - Oh my word! I had a number of women say they want their husband's attention! They want their full attention when discussing something. They don't want to be competing with TV, cell phones or computers. They want them to stop what they are doing and listen to what their wives are saying. Wives want to be heard. Women like to talk. They also want to know what you think. Listen to them and speak to them about what is going on in your life. They want to know. They want to listen to you too. Communicate to them about what is going on in you life and how you are feeling.

16. MONEY - Men generally are the providers, but it is certainly not uncommon to find women taking control of the home's finances. Women want a man who is able to provide for the family financially.

17. NON-SEXUAL PHYSICAL TOUCH - Generally women don't need as much sex as men. But they do appreciate being touched without any sexual intent. Hugs, kisses, arm around the shoulder, holding hands, just letting them know you are there and like being near them - your wife will LOVE it!

18. ROMANCE - Husbands, YOU HAVE TO LEARN THIS!! Wives of 1 day, wives of 10 years, wives of 70 years love romance. They are wired for it! If you want a happy wife, tap into your romantic side. Do something romantic - sunset picnic, red roses, a chocolate heart, a chick flick out of the video store, anything that will remind her of your love for her. Get this right and you will flourish in the next point...

19. SEX - Wives understand that men need sex, but as their hormones change and their sexual desire lessens, don't expect them to be needing sex as much as you do!

20. SUPPORT - A happy wife is one who will have her husband's support in the ventures she tackles in life. This could be a joint venture, like child-bearing, or a work venture - where she goes back to work or starts selling Tupperware or takes in extra children to make more money. Be supportive and lower your expectations in regard to her availability during the adjustment phase.

21. THOUGHTFULNESS - Many women love surprises and when a husband surprises his wife, she knows she has been thought about during the day. An unexpected gift at an unexpected time goes a long way to keeping a wife happy. A phone call in the middle of the day. Making a cup of tea, asking if you can help them with anything - you'll have a happy wife! Don't ever forget birthdays, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day and OF COURSE, your anniversary. Make a fuss. Women love that.

22. TIME - Work is important and wives get that, but they want to know that their husband have made them a priority. Quality time for just the two of you, at the husband's suggestion will really make a wife feel special.

23. TRUST - Wives need to know they can trust their husbands - that unfaithfulness is not an option. A happy wife will trust her husband, knowing that he is telling the truth and is honest. Be dependable. If you say you are going to do something, do it! Honesty in everything. Keep a clean conscience before God and your wife.

24. UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE - Wives want their husbands to accept them as they are and not try and make them into the person they think they should become. There is only one person you can control in a relationship and that's yourself.

Helga has been married to Mike for 26 years. She describes herself as not just happily married, but head-over-heels, doing-double-back-flips kind of happily married. They have two grown children and a much appreciated son-in-law. Mike & Helga make their home in Cape Town, South Africa. Helga works as the morning drive show presenter for a Cape Town based community radio station. She writes a daily bloghttp://www.helgavan.com

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