Tips for a Better Marriage

By Debra Wattes

Please be aware that I'm not a marriage counsellor and I don't advocate to be a trained or suitably qualified expert.

Listed below are my views and what I've figured out this far in my marriage. My hope is to offer a guide to our young, in hope it will help them respect themselves and one another and what to look out for as the warning signs of a possible unhealthy marriage or partnership.

I hope this list helps you and your loved ones. Please share with everyone you know. We don't truly knows what happens behind closed doors and it may help someone you know, that you didn't know needed any help. Domestic violence is rarely noticeable from the outside. It is also a very slow and progressive slippery slope.

The comments below are not biased in nature and are intended for both sexes; with the exception of number fourteen.

1.   Vows are a promise not a contract.

2.   No one should agree to obey anyone, unless you're a pet.

3.   Choose your fights don't pick them.

4.   Males listen up; sex is not making love and a woman's body is not a public toilet.

5.   Fidelity is not just reserved for sex. Would you cheat on your best friend or share what you do with everyone else you have in your life or a perfect stranger. No, why would you? Don't do it to your spouse, they're your best friend for life, your partner in life, respect them. Don't talk about them behind their back. It's supposed to be you and them against the world. Don't sit in judgment of them, you're not perfect. Figure out how to fix it together!

6.   Don't sit in separate lounge chairs, sit together and tickle each other's forehead or hold hands. It's called being intimate.

7.   Don't sit at the table opposite each other; you'll become the opposition to each other. Sit at the table next to each other, pick off one another's plate or better still feed each other.

8.   Don't be the time, where and who have you been with police. You haven't married a child and this type of behaviour engages mistrust. Mistrust builds walls and creates barriers. Respect each other's individual lives and interests.

9.   Respect each other's right for privacy and space and that also means keep out of each other's drawers, pockets and bags. Ladies, there are usually surprises in there; don't be so flamin nosey. You're the one that ends up missing out on the surprise.

10.     If your partner cheats- leave and don't go back! That ship has left the port and sailed way out into the middle of the ocean. If you go back they know you're a door mat. They know they shouldn't have cheated in the first place. They knew if you found out you would be hurt. It didn't stop them cheating knowing all that. Why would they stop cheating if you went back? They don't care; they're selfish, move on!

11.     Be together when you both want it. If it's forced, then one of you is in control of the other.

12.     Don't hit, yell, intimidate, manipulate or curse. Again I say, you're not children. Talk you fools, communicate!

13.     Don't presume to make plans without considering your partner. They have a life too and it shouldn't revolve around what you do. If it does, then what happened to the life they had before you.

14.     Women; men at the core still prefer to be the pursuer even in this modern day and age! Even in the marriage, make him work for it. Would you just give it away normally? What makes marriage any different? The chase keeps the spice alive.

15.     He knew you when he married you, so don't change who you are at the core. Tell him what you like and if you don't feel comfortable then why are you married to him- he is after all supposed to be your best friend, is he not? You're supposed to be a team, not a game, set and match.

16.     A good marriage requires work. A great marriage requires consistent work, and a mirage is an imaginary friend. Don't confuse them.

17.     And last but not least; if you see something you want or feel the need to change in the person you're with, please, for the love of everyone who knows you, do not get married to that person because it is highly probable that they're not the right one for you. No one is perfect, so you have to decide whether you find their faults endearing or annoying and can you live with them, without ever feeling the need to change them.

So, there are my list of do's and don'ts. All situations are different and only some of the above will apply to you. But if you can tick most of these tips off as that which you're doing correctly, then I believe you're heading in the right direction.

Good luck to all of you.

Debra Wattes

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