Many people find themselves in this situation:
they're in a relationship, they're unhappy, and they wonder if they should
leave or stay. There is no doubt it is painful to think about having to start
all over again, but it is also painful to consider staying in a relationship
that has plenty of issues attached to it. So what do you do? To decide that,
you have to determine which would hurt more, staying or leaving?
First, consider
staying. What are the good
parts of the relationship? Has the frequency of these good points deteriorated
over time? Or have the total number of good points dwindled? All relationships
settle, to a certain degree, over time. You just have to determine whether or not
yours has deteriorated past a healthy level. Even areas that have dwindled can
be revived as long as both sides are willing to put forth the effort.
You also have to be
honest with yourself. Are
you staying because you still see hope in the relationship working out or are
you there only because you don't like the prospect of starting over? Even if
you are biding your time until someone better comes along, it isn't fair to
your partner. Don't stay just because it is the safe alternative.
Next, consider staying. What qualities does your partner have that you
would miss? Are they still the same person they were when you first met them?
Have you changed? If so, what caused the change? Was it because of something
negative they did, or because you grew weary of the relationship and where you
believed it was heading? Be honest, no matter how much it might hurt them.
When making this decision, remember there
usually isn't a clear-cut answer. Each decision will come with its own bad
points. You have to determine whether or not the bad points are enough to
warrant the change. Ending a relationship is never going to be easy. If it
were, then there would be no need to ponder over it.
The last thing you
want is to be uncertain. Once you make your
decision, it has to be final. Lives will be changed forever. There is no room
here for guessing. The best rule of thumb is this: don't stay with someone
because you can live with them: stay with them because you can't live without
them. If you look at it from this particular perspective, then your decision
will be much easier for you.
Are destructive emotions at the heart of the
problems you are experiencing with your relationship. If so, maybe you need to
get control of what you are really telling yourself. What are your beliefs about
relationship problems and your part in them?
3 comments:
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